January 2009
Waiting at Penn for a train. …(g)awesome.
“The vote about the stimulus package was not about economics. It was about...”
– The South Vs. Obama - The Daily Beast
Clearly the most politically astute man alive, I’m sure Lind won’t be shocked when we tell him:
If this piece of troglodyte political assertion is what y’all go and call ‘writin’ up Na’wth, we’ll keep right down here...
“First they got to hang with Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers in Washington,...”
– Daniel Radcliffe invites Sasha and Malia Obama on a “Harry Potter” tour — chicagotribune.com
BARACK ADOPT ME
Love,
DC Whip
Obama signs equal pay bill - 2008 Presidential... →
Way to go, Lilly. Thank you, thank you, thank you. From Seneca Falls to Highway 280…
We love you.
DC Whip
Gaza Violence Complicates Mitchell Mission -... →
OMFG! Violence in the middle east!!! In GAZA! WHO KNEW!
Seriously, how does Bill Keller sleep at night? It’s like the paper might as well have “obvoius, free, and someone else does it better” written on the front page instead. (We offer up the Yes Men as our example gratia.)
Fashion Review - Paris Shows Spotlight... →
Hey, at least this is real news. When all goes to hell in a handbasket, make sure you at least go down looking smart. And Dior is ALWAYS at the top of the list. (Also, net-a-porter is having a Phillip Lim sale… our hearts just broke a little.)
White House Unbuttons Formal Dress Code -... →
I’m so glad the NYT focuses on the hard news. You know the really gritty grime so we know what’s going on in the world. Gray Lady, what would we do without you?
- DC Whip, sitting here in entirely work-appropriate clothing. And stockings. Please, please, don’t let them forget what those are.
What Red Ink? Wall St. Paid Fat Bonuses -... →
Dear Sugar Daddy,
WHERE ARE YOU.
Love,
DC Whip
Ford Lost $14.6 Billion in 2008 but Won’t Ask for... →
FINALLY, someone willing to say “oops, poor banking on our part.” That is, until Washington comes to them on that whole “too big to fail” grandstanding. The car industry sorta hearts TARPitude. Which is fine, we’re kind of hoping for an academic loan bailout too after the check we just had to cut Columbia. <so much for stinginess>
“We have arrived at a moment of decision. Our home - Earth - is in grave danger....”
– Al Gore: We’ve Arrived at a Moment of Decision
“If you’re not careful, I’m going to have to show you the polar bear again. Everyone get ready to say ‘ay’ on the bill…”
Amazon.com: Local Flavors: Cooking and Eating from... →
food porn.
“Our wooing period, our first sexual encounter, our wedding day—behind those...”
– What Do You Mean It’s ‘Weird’? - The Daily Beast
Dear World,
We’re with Cole.
Keep your Snippity-snip-snip to Snurl,
DC Whip
Blago on the Offensive - The Daily Beast →
you don’t actually have to read it. we just love dan abrams.
“Slumdog Millionaire has won four Golden Globes and is nominated for 10 Oscars....”
– Poor parents of ‘Slumdog millionaire’ stars say children were exploited - Telegraph
Dear World,
Um, duh.
DC Whip
“Clinton says world “exhaling” with Obama at top”
– Clinton says world exhaling with Obama at top | Politics | Reuters
In the midst of a Worldwide Recession (so says BBC News Hour in my ear right now), world is breathing sigh of relief? Apparently confused “peace is now evident” with “brand new president.”
I’m all...
“Is Obama the Most Famous Living Person Ever?”
– Is Obama the Most Famous Living Person Ever?: Dee Dee Myers | Vanity Fair
OMFG! In honor of black history month, we love black people! Black people are no longer a separate, insert issue! Like the “shape” issue where everyone is a size 4 or 2 instead of a 0 or 00!
“Blago Hires Drew Peterson’s PR Firm for Media Blitz”
– Blago Hires Drew Peterson’s PR Firm for Media Blitz - Presidential Politics | Political News - FOXNews.com
In yet another reversal, Blago proves to the world it’s not Oprah he wanted for the senatorial position, but rather it’s Oprah he simply wants to be.
“Everything We Do
by Peter Meinke
Everything we do is for our first loves...”
– The Writer’s Almanac with Garrison Keillor | Everything We Do by Peter Meinke
“Read, read, read. Read everything - trash, classics, good and bad, and see how...”
– William Faulkner quotes
“Starbucks Corp., the world’s largest coffee chain, will stop brewing...”
– Bloomberg.com: Canada
In an effort to cut energy costs, I will also no longer be working after dark. Or before dark. Or during daylight. Or ever. From now on, I will be drinking champagne and eating buttercookies. Yes, little Timmy, that means Scrooge is busy getting fat.
Black President, White Hands? | The Root →
OMG! President half white! SURPRISE!
“Smithsonian Secretary Freezes Hiring, Considers Budget Cuts”
– Smithsonian Secretary Freezes Hiring, Considers Budget Cuts - ArtsBeat Blog - NYTimes.com
Wait, Washington can be affected by recessions too? Maybe this is what “change” means.
“John Updike, Protean Writer, Is Dead at 76”
– The New York Times - Breaking News, World News & Multimedia
Dear NYT,
How long have you been waiting to use the word ‘protean’ on your main page? On any page? We see what you’re up to, linking back to some pathetic AP story where we have to use a wire-ring bound guidebook...
Facebook | News Blog - Times Online - WBLG:... →
Crime scene cookies on virgin airways! An afternoon pick-me-up!
“John Updike, the Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist, prolific man of letters and...”
– The Associated Press: John Updike, prize-winning writer, dead at age 76
“Survey shows global trust in business plummets”
– Survey shows global trust in business plummets | News | Reuters
Also, Scott Malone up for Most Obvious Statement Ever award. I know he must have worked SO HARD on this one.
“Liberia declared a state of emergency to deal with an invasion of crop-eating...”
– Bloomberg.com: Africa
<yiiiick>
“The First Family knows how to groove. From Sunday’s opening ceremony at...”
– The Obamas’ Dance Moves (Slideshow)
The Huffington Post, proving that the Old Boys Club mentality still runs the media, confuses “white boy’s chicken dance” with “actual dancing.” Pardon me, I mean the “Obama booty-bump.” Ari, this is what you get...
“Your request is being processed…
PETA’s Veggie Sex Super Bowl Ad...”
– PETA’s Veggie Sex Super Bowl Ad Rejected By NBC (VIDEO)
THERE IS A GOD! Isn’t this the last outpost of safety from the invasion of tempeh? Vegans are all over this city like catapillars on Liberia. It’s the Great Chili Bowl, Charlie Brown!
“The high-flying execs at Citigroup caved under pressure from President Obama and...”
– Obama Officials Tells Citibank To Ditch Plans For $50 Million Private Jet
Instead, they will continue to rent them for three million dollars a month and have them custom-outfitted each time. Having never figured out how to use Priceline, it seemed the only logical options.
This just in: eager...
“Will Oprah Winfrey trade her seat as a talk show host for one on the United...”
– Usmagazine.com | News - Oprah Winfrey “Amused” She Was Considered for Open Senate Seat
Recognizing that would seriously diminish not only her influence, but the money she has to pay the liposuction expert who must live inside her stomach, Oprah Winfrey is passing up her chance in...
“He lives with three female tuatara “in great harmony”, said Mr...”
– BBC NEWS | Asia-Pacific | Reptile becomes a father, at 111
Shh… don’t tell Utah!
“A story in Sunday’s Washington Post depicting Guantanamo prisoner files in...”
– CQ Politics | SpyTalk - Pentagon Official Disputes Washington Post Report, Saying Gitmo Files ‘Not in Disarray’
How many military secretaries does it take to find a shredder? Maybe this explains Cheney’s wheelchair, finally…
“Gov. David A. Paterson, seeking to contain some of the fallout over his...”
– After Criticism, Paterson Cancels Trip to Davos - City Room Blog - NYTimes.com
Patterson to his aides upon learning that, actually, it might not look good if the state’s Treasury is emptied at the Alpininian Governmental Spa: Goddamn it. A governor can just never get to Switzerland on the...
